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January 29, 2010
STATEMENT OF NAOMI SCHALIT, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MAINE COALITION TO END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, IN RESPONSE TO THE RELEAE OF THE 8TH REPORT OF THE MAINE DOMESTIC ABUSE HOMICIDE REVIEW PANEL:
We can’t just keep counting the dead.
That’s what we do with this panel; we count how many Mainers died because of domestic violence, we look at patterns in those deaths, we make recommendations.
But what we really need to do is prevent these victims from ever getting to the point where they’re in deadly danger. All of the advocates at our domestic violence projects know that once someone has been abused, it’s damnably hard to get out of that situation – abusers don’t let go easily. They know that the most dangerous time in the relationship is when a victim tries to leave an abuser. That’s the terrible irony: The very thing that victims need to do is the very thing that can get them killed. That irony points us to the work ahead: Prevention.
So while we need to keep working to help domestic violence victims, they’re in danger of drowning by the time they come to us, drowning in a sea of violence and abusive control by a partner who may not stop until their victim is dead – as we see here today. We’ve got to move upstream, and work with children so that they form healthy relationships from the beginning. We’ve got to move upstream and teach young people who are dating how to resolve conflict constructively. We’ve got to move upstream and provide options besides violence – in a culture that far too easily turns to violence.
We’re doing some of these things already at the projects of the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence. Prevention educators from each of our nine member programs worked in schools with more than 30,000 youth in the state last year. But here’s the problem: many of these prevention educators find themselves helping students who are already in unhealthy, abusive and controlling relationships. You probably know what we mean: The boyfriend who calls his girlfriend 30 times a day on her cellphone; endlessly texts her; wants to know what she’s doing every moment of the day. And calls her a slut if she doesn’t answer him or do what he says.
The upstream work can’t just be done by folks like us in professional organizations. The early version of domestic violence, for example, which we call dating violence, happens as a result of our cultural norms, attitudes and beliefs about gender and relationship dynamics. Preventing dating violence – just like preventing all domestic violence -- requires a community response. Parents, teachers, health care providers, coaches, service providers and school based prevention educators must take every opportunity to talk with young people about how to demonstrate caring, show respect and resolve conflicts nonviolently.
The work of this panel is important, and so is the work of the many people, including our project staff, who deal daily with the human destruction caused by domestic violence. But while that work is noble and good, for far too many, it comes too late. There is much to be done so that we’re no longer standing here every couple of years, presenting grim statistics and discussing possible actions we can take to edge those statistics down. In the end, though, there is only one effective answer: Prevention.
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